Confessions #2: A Servant of the Devil

From Drugs and Dungeons to the Heights of Heaven

You are about to read a confession.
A story from my time as a servant of the devil, followed by my return to the only Love that is real—God.
And most importantly, an apology to you.
Please receive it.

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Life as a False Adventure

The devil sold me a story and told me I was the main character.
I accepted the offer and began the adventure of a lifetime.
Each chapter became more exciting than the last.

I traveled the world, experienced everything I ever dreamt of—and more.
I drank copious amounts of alcohol in Italy, lost my phone, slept in a subway station, and missed my train to the airport.
I smoked weed with Colombians that same night.
I did psychedelics on a river in Pennsylvania, and carried the terrors that followed through sleepless nights in Amsterdam.
I wandered into sex dungeons in Poland, only to be held against my will by my own kind.
I’ve passed out beneath rail stations in Berlin and woken up ten kilometers from my Airbnb.
I’ve begged strangers for taxis who didn’t speak english.

And I’ve done worse—things I hesitate to mention, for fear of summoning the same demons in you.

It took committing spiritual suicide to finally wake up.

The story the devil gave me had me as the protagonist—but I was just the host.
He was the parasite.
I was destined to lose. But he made my losses feel like triumphs.

Region Beta Paradox: The tendency for people to remain in mildly unsatisfactory situations longer than they would in severely problematic ones

The Turn to God

Now, I offer every breath and thought to God.

I pray for a love so deep that no action escapes the presence of Jesus.
How could someone like me—who despised religion, stole faith from friends, and served the devil—return to God?

Because God is the only answer that makes logical sense.

We’ve been fed lies.
We’ve followed the blind.
And even those who believe rarely love Him enough.

If it is by faith that we are saved—then yes, I believe.
But do I live like I believe?
Do you?

If I truly believed, I’d obey every word from God.
I’d study the saints, follow the canons handed down by the Apostles, and renounce the world—until my heart was strong enough to reenter it for His glory, not mine.

Objective Reality, Logic, and God

Start with this: If someone claims “truth is subjective,” they are making an objectively true claim—which defeats itself.

Truth exists.
Morality exists.
Murder is wrong.
Love is good.
Mercy is noble.
Confession is necessary.

These are not human inventions. They are eternal realities. They point to something beyond us.

They point to a Moral Lawgiver.

Creation is ordered. It runs on laws—physical, mathematical, biological.
It is not chaos.
Order requires intelligence.
So does love. So does beauty.

If truth, morality, free will, and the universe exist—then their Source must be:

• Personal, because we are persons.

• Moral, because we know right from wrong.

• Intelligent, because of the design in creation.

• Eternal, because this Source cannot be contingent on anything else.

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A Call to You

Please choose God.
He is calling you.

Forgive me—for I struggle to do His message justice.
There is a love in my heart too deep for words.
Only tears suffice—tears of sorrow, of joy, of awe.
But I must try. For my sake. For yours.

For so long I judged others.
I hated people for their differences—and for their similarities.
I failed every test.
I failed others.

To you, I say: I’m sorry.
For the arrows I shot at your soul, even if you never saw them.

So I leave you with three things:

1. Reserve all your hatred for evil itself—never another human being.

2. If you distrust the world, do not trust your own beliefs—they too are of the world.

3. Do not go gently through life.

Life Is a Sport of the Soul

Life is not a game of pleasure.
It’s a game of love.

And like every sport, it has:

• Rules that cannot be broken,

• Penalties that must be served,

• And a result that is final.

Some play for fun.
Some break the rules.
Some play selfishly.
Some follow the rules, yet never win.

Only those who obey every rule, play with love, uplift their teammates, listen to the coach, and honor the Judge—only they will win.

In this game, the field is your heart.
And only God sees it.

Be brutally self-critical.
Fall in love with winning—because in this game, the winners are few, and the stakes are eternal.

The prize is not a crown.
The prize is Love Himself.

Choose Him.
Now.