When the World Isn't Enough

On the voice that whispers "there's more to life than this"

The desire isn’t to write, or to draw, or to become a scholar. It’s to make sense of the world we’ve been placed in — so that we might live rightly, and not on a whim.

I can’t bear the feeling that rises when I look at a sunset and can’t explain the beauty I see. My inability to give thanks for the food I know I’m lucky to have — and should be grateful for — breaks me. I search for words and come up empty.

When I try to see beauty, my vocabulary fails me. It leans too easily toward the ugly. Yet I know there is more — I can feel it pressing in all around me. But when I reach for it, the answer slips through my fingers.

It’s not that I want to settle — but I must. I don’t yet know what else to do.

I’m not foolish enough to believe cheap pleasures hold the answer. They don’t.

Money won’t. Family won’t. I know that when I chase these things, they will only ask me to chase more.

Something deep within me whispers: this can’t be all there is.

But another voice counters: yes — this is all there is.

That is why I have done what I know to be wrong — because at least it felt real, unhidden, in a world that so often hides.

But I have had enough.

It became enough the moment God made Heaven and Hell real to me. I saw it clearly then: if I choose Hell on earth — in this life — why would I not choose the same after?

I cannot live this way for all of eternity.

I have no option now but to seek the Kingdom in all things — with patience — so that when I stand at the gates, I am not turned away.